If you like asparagus, this is a great side to a grain or starch-focused main dish. It also goes great on its own, with crackers or fancy bread of your choosing.
As an extra-curricular activity, try putting your television on the Food network and hold back the vomit as they prepare Bacon Something Something Wrapped With A Maple Bacon in Pork Tur-duck-ham Bacon Glaze.
- 1 bunch (2 to 2.5 cups) of chopped asparagus
- 2C almond milk
- 1C water
- 2T nutritional yeast flakes
- 1T Bragg’s liquid aminos
You know about proteins, right? Those things North America is insane with consuming far too much of? Well, there is one amino acid called asparagine, and guess where it gets its name? No, not an Italian racecar driver; the name comes from asparagus because is so full of this compound .
Stuff You’ll Need to Do
- Chop asparagus into 2” long cuts
- Steam 10-15 mins until soft but not mushy
- Combine water, almond milk, flakes in pot and heat to gentle simmer
- Once simmering, add in the asparagus
- Turn off burner
- Let sit with occasional stirring for about a half hour. (You can skip this step if you’re in a hurry)
- Scoopy 1C at a time into a food processor, but don’t do like I did and overload the thing or you’ll have a watery green explosion all over your kitchen.
- Pulse the food processor it each load of soup is smooth.
- Pour through a strainer into another pot or serving dish.
This recipe makes about 14 large (~10cm diameter, ~2cm thick) patties. You need:
- For nutrition and texture:
- 2C lentils
- 2C quinoa
- A bunch of rolled oats
- A box of wheat gluten (you won’t need the whole box, but measurements vary based on taste)
- Garlic salt
- More salt
- An onion
How to Do Stuff:
- Assuming you’re going to eat these for dinner, put the quinoa and lentils in a big pot with lots of water in the morning.
- While at work, spend some quality time on YouTube arguing about pointless garbage.
- 8 or so hours later, you’re back home and ready to cook some lentil burgers.
- Heat the pot to boiling. Let it boil a couple minutes.
- Reduce to simmer and leave it that way until the mixture thickens or the beans are soft.
- Drain as well as you can.
- I recommend making 1 patty first, before you go all Henry Ford Production Line on your kitchen:
- Scoop 1/2 cup of the quinoa/lentil mix and drain it even more.
- Dump it into a bowl.
- Add 1/4 cup oats.
- Add 1/2T diced onions.
- Add 1T to 2T of wheat gluten. (Tapioca starch might work – I haven’t tried yet)
- Add 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt (or more/less, to taste).
- Mush together until it has a texture like wet, clumpy Play-Doh. It should not be crumbly in your hand. It should not be grainy like the ocean sand. It should stick together like the E in Ella. Unlike cow hamburger, it won’t give you salmonella.
- Press into a patty and fry in light oil. I salt each side of the patty before frying it.
Each has about 20-25g protein, very little fat, and delicious taste!
Potatoes, Broccoli and Creamy Red Pepper Cashew Not-Cheese
Ignore the fact that the photo is mostly potatoes. That is only because I ate the broccoli faster than the lens could capture light.
Lots of protein, B12 + other vitamins, and cancer-fighting greens in this one!
- 1/3 cup unsweetened non-dairy milk (soy, rice, hemp, whatever you like)
- 1/2 block of silken tofu
- 1/2 cup cashews
- 1 medium red pepper
- 1/2 cup yeast flakes
- 1/2 cup Bragg’s Amino Acids (or soy sauce)
- 2T crushed garlic (I use from jar of minced)
- 3T oil of choice
- 1/2 T salt (less or more, to taste)
Anti-Cancer and Muscle-Building Filler
As much broccoli as you think you’ll need.
- Stick everything in a blender.
- Oh god, not the broccoli, too! Start over.
- Stick everything except the broccoli in a blender.
- Realize you forgot to heat the oven to 350. Do that now.
- Chop broccoli into decorative shapes while you wait.
- Your oven isn’t all that great, so argue with someone on the internet while you wait those last 25 seconds.
- Arrange broccoli alphabetically in a big pan thing.
- Pour blended stuff onto the broccoli.
- Shove into oven.
- Cook about 20 minutes.
It tastes even better as leftovers. Maybe this sounds weird, but I eat it straight from the fridge the next day.
Awesome as a side with vegan sloppy Joe sandwiches, or as a filling quick snack.
Broccoli Cole Slaw! Eat it with your whole family! (Also eating it - not chopped up in it)
- 2 cups (total) shredded broccoli, carrots and cabbage.
- 1/2 cup (or more of your prefer) Vegenaise or cashew-based vegan ‘mayo’
- 1 tablespoon lemon juice
- 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
- 1 teaspoon celery seed
- 1 teaspoon garlic salt
- Put everything in a bowl.
- Stir it up and then eat it.
- Do not share any with that creep from work, but make sure you do eat it near him.
Sag Aloo! Not only does it sound funny, it also cures boredom.
This is a delicious Indian-inspired meal for lunch or dinner. I wouldn’t want it for breakfast, but I hear it has magical hangover cures. This recipe makes enough to feed about 8 people.
- 4 potatoes
- 1 pound fresh or frozen spinach
- 2 cups fresh or frozen peas
- 1 can coconut milk
- 1/2 cup chopped onion
- 1/2 teaspoon coriander seeds
- 1/2 teaspoon cloves
- 1/2 teaspoon tumeric
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder (or 1 tablespoon fresh crushed garlic)
- A big pot
- A big skillet
- A cereal bowl
- In the pot, add as much water as you need to cover the potatoes by about an inch. Start boiling.
- In the skillet, sautee the onion in water (you could use oil but I’m trying to keep this recipe low fat) on about medium heat. You probably don’t want to try to caramelize them in water.
- Chop the potatoes into cubes or pterodactyls or whatever shape is your favorite.
- Add potatoes to water even if it’s not perfectly boiling yet.
- Open can of coconut milk. Pour into cereal bowl.
- Add powdered stuff to cereal bowl.
- If you don’t have a mortar-n-pestle, fold the coriander seeds and clove in a paper towel and beat them like they’re an obese relative asking you where you get your protein.
- Shake the atomized coriander and clove dust into the bowl.
- By now the onions should be softened up. Shake the spinach and peas into the skillet. Add a little more water (1/3 cup should do) and cover to steam.
- Once the skillet of green stuff has softened up a little, the potatoes should be nearly done cooking.
- Make sure you whisk the cereal bowl nicely. Tumeric is really fine and doesn’t immediately blend with the coconut milk.
- Fun part! Dump the cereal bowl into the skillet!
- Stir it around while it simmers and feel like a cook.
- Enjoy compliments from roommates/family/dogs/ghosts about the lovely smell.
- Drain potatoes when they’re soft enough.
- Add potatoes to skillet. That’s right. Add potatoes and greens in the same skillet. This craziness cannot be contained.
Vegan French Toast. Pardon the blurry picture!
You do not need eggs for French toast! This post’s recipe is based on a vegan French toast recipe at VegWeb.
- 2 cups vanilla nondairy milk (coconut seems to taste best here, but soy, hemp, rice, almond, etc., would also work)
- 3 teaspoons vegan sugar
- 4 to 5 tablespoons flour
- dash cinnamon
- Half a loaf of bread
- nonstick spray
- Spray skillet with nonstick spray. Heat up your skillet to about medium-high. Don’t let the oil smoke!
- Put everything but the bread in a bowl. Stir until it’s all mixed up.
- Dip a piece of bread in the mix, drop it in the pan. Flip when you think it needs flipped.